Unselfishness is not a natural act, it has to be learned. We as humans have a natural instinct to protect and preserve ourselves first. The act of selflessness is one that has to be learned. We are compelled to act in unselfish ways by all sorts of motivation. A desire to be liked, thought of in a particular way would be motivation for unselfishness. For example, to be thought of as a hard worker, a generous person, kind and benevolent. All acts of unselfishness require a bit of forethought. And the more you practice the easier it gets. It's all in the motivation.

A key component to unselfishness is self sacrifice. This is demonstrated clearly when a woman becomes pregnant. Upon learning that a woman is pregnant the instinct to protect ourselves shifts dramatically to feelings of protecting another life. We will find ourselves giving up a cup of coffee in the morning if we feel it is not in the best interest of the life we are carrying. We think twice about grabbing a candy bar or fast, fried food for lunch and opting for more salads and veggies. All in the interests of someone we've never even met! Not that any of the new choices that are made are natural ones. Watching out bodies change in every way, purchasing a whole new wardrobe of maternity clothes and giving up our trendy shoes for comfortable ones. Giving up coffee, a glass of wine and remembering to take our vitamins are not automatically easy choices but a conscious act of unselfishness. It is almost fashionable to be selfish. In a world of "me time" choosing to create life is the ultimate in unselfish acts.

First time parents are often surprised by the amount of sacrifice required long before their child comes into the world. Now there are monetary considerations to be made in addition to lifestyle changes. A bigger house or the loss of a home office to create a nursery is a consideration. Furnishings and cribs need to be purchased from the income that could have brought a new flat screen TV or luxury item. All the decisions that are made during the nine months of pregnancy are ultimately unselfish acts of love.

Why then, do parents look forward to such drastic lifestyle changes and self sacrifice? Is it instinctual or learned? A little of both, perhaps. But when this new fascinating little personality joins the family all the sacrifice is worth it. And as the ongoing challenges and choices are presented to us, it is now automatic, after all we've had nine months of practice.

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Lenore ZurWelle